She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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