Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize