You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
