if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Text me some of your sweat
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