yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
