Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
