i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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