I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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