There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You ate ashes out of my bong
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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