first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
