I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
