I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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