when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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