just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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