He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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