I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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