i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
