remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
