This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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