Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's Friday. Sex?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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