I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
