My room smells like vodka and shame
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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