tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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