your room smells of hookers.
And success
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
sex in a hospital.. check
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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