So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
