I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is Oprah even human
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
