Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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