Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
