Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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