I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
