Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
