at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
