Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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