I think my vagina is haunted
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Drunk is not a location!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
