hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
