Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Congratulations! We have a period
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
