He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
