I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
