you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
