Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
