i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
