Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize