based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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