there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
