I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
