Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
