guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am in a vortex of obligation.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
