For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
