The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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