I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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