My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
