you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
