My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I looked at my own cervix.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
