I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
