drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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