My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
