I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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