i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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