I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He passed out mid-signature
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Success! We fucked roommates!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
