I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize