Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
