after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
