Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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