Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
