he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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