I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
