tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
