dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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