Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
