The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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