I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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