I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
