you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
