so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
