How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
