So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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