onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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